Men love your wives

Read Ephesians 5:22-33

 ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’

When I got the message to speak on this’ I thought I am nowhere near equipped to speak on this topic but because I derive authority from our Lord Christ Jesus and I believe his calling upon my life. I have to speak as the spirit moves me. Amen!

I was listening to Dr. David Jerimiah and he was saying that a lot of men come to him when their marriage is in trouble and when he asks them what the problem is? They would say.... ‘I just don’t love my wife anymore!’ Once they say that, he would immediately confront them ‘so you choose to disobey God?’  This is because what is written in Ephesians 5 is a clear commandment.... ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES!’ It is not suggesting that you try to love your wives, not saying that when she looks pretty you love her or when the mood hits, you love her. No! It is a clear command ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES!

So the Good Book commands husbands to love their wives. The command was not only to love them but it actually specifies how... ‘just as Christ loved the church - This is the strongest love that has ever been evinced in this world. It follows, that a husband is in no danger of loving his wife too much .Men are to make the love which Christ had for the church the model. So by choosing not to love your wife you choose to disobey God.

‘LOVE YOUR WIVES’ it says in Ephesians 5:25, 28 and 33. Did you notice Paul’s repetition? Husbands are commanded 3 times – Love your wife! Because God knows how hard it is for men to LOVE their wives. This love Paul talks about, it’s a special kind of love, love that can only be done by a man… ‘Love Your Wife’ Notice that he uses the word ‘your…’ a personal pronoun… It doesn’t say love women, but love your wife…! Too many men are loving women and not loving their own wife…!

So what is this love that a Christian husband should have? What should one expect when a man loves a woman?

• A Sacrificing Love

Let us look at the text, firstly it says…As Christ Loved… I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like a Sacrificing Love ! (Why…?) Because the text says that, “He gave Himself.” Gave: Comes from the greek word meaning surrender...one who is willing to sacrifice self… (Now for women) Don’t ever marry a man who is not willing to die for you because a man who’s not willing to die for you is a man who is not worthy of you. You see Jesus Christ laid down His life for the church, and a man who is not willing to die for you, who’s not willing to give his all for you, not willing to spend his last dime on you, not willing to forsake all others for you..... Is not worthy of you!

Remember that song ‘When A Man Loves A Woman’... He can’t keep his mind on nothing else... He’ll spend his last dime... He’ll sacrifice for her... Because he understands that she is his joy...”

What does the bible say about this sacrificial love Christ has for the church in John 15:13? ‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends’. Please husbands, I am not the one saying it, it is in the Good book. You have to give your life for her. Sacrifice!....especially the body, the flesh.... lust. Of course there will always be women with bigger breasst or butts, women who are more pretty, funnier etc . A friend once said to me, the day after he got married he met, not just one of the kind of women he had fantasized about his whole life, but three and they all seemed very eager to get to know him he was on cloud nine, Only to come home and meet his wife was wearing the most wretched, libido killing outfit ever invented. Sacrifice! God doesn’t just love you when you look good or when you are good his love is not conditional it is sacrificial. Romans 5.8 says ‘But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ If I say all I have to say on sacrifice I may not finish this message but let move on.

What I am trying to say is When A Man Loves A Woman... It’s A Sacrificing Love... He’ll give himself for her... But not only is it a Sacrificing Love but it’s also a Sanctifying Love (Eph 5: 26)

• A Sanctifying Love

When a man loves a woman, he takes her out of the chaotic situations of life... He takes her out of the chaotic situations of dating and meeting and sets her apart. He sanctifies her; he sets her apart from the hustle and bustle and sanctifies her because he has something invested in her. He sanctifies so that he might present her to himself! Now men you need to learn how to sanctify - set her apart! You say, “She just won’t do the right thing?” Sanctify Her! “But she’s always...” Sanctify Her! “But every time I try to...” Sanctify Her! Don’t go around telling people nasty stuff about her just because you had an argument with her and you want everybody to be on your side and you want everyone to sympathise with you. Men know what I am talking about; telling your relatives all the crazy stuff that is happening in your house, just to have the right to say ‘nobody knows the trouble I have seen.’

I recently read a divorce brief where the man was able to list 500 reasons! I am not kidding 500 reasons why he wanted a divorce including the exact date that his wife did not take a bath the whole day and claimed the whole house was smelling because of this! Come on...sanctify her! Set her apart let her be holy for you and for others. When you sanctify her you sanctify yourself because you are one flesh.

Understand also, that when you sanctify her, you’re doing it in the expectation not of what she IS, but what she WILL BE...! Amen! None of us are perfect...! But thank God that when He looks at us, He’s not looking at us based on where we now but He looks at us based on what we shall be! Amen! When a man loves a woman, he will sanctify her, he will set her apart. It doesn’t matter if she’s not perfect because he’s standing there in anticipation of what she will become. What will she become? She will become glorious; she will become all that God has invested in her.

So When A Man Loves A Woman... It is A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... But it’s also...A Sustaining Love (Eph 5:28-29)

• A Sustaining Love

A Sustaining Love means he nourishes her, takes care of her like his own body. Nourish comes from the Greek word that means: to provide for. I am not trying to offend but I need to preach the word as it came to me. God set it up so that the man would be the provider! I’m not saying that women can’t do it, but it’s out of God’s will for the woman to be the provider for man. How do I know? It is in the book of Genesis, according to God’s plan, Adam was supposed to be the provider and Eve was supposed to be the providee. But Satan convinced her to change the role, and everything went downhill from there! 

Now ladies...God is trying to honour you by making the man provide for you and some of you don’t want your man to work! When Eve brought home the bacon, it brought chaos into the world. Look, whenever you get out of the will of God, you end up with a chaotic mess! Now husbands, God wants you to be the provider for your wife! It is okay for a woman to work, but the provider has got to be the man.

Example; if the man is king of the castle, he needs a queen and the queen can’t be the queen if she’s a slave on somebody’s job! Amen! You see, because you treat her like your queen, she makes sure that you will be treated like a king and trust me the queen has no problem being submissive to the king, when he’s treating her like the queen. People will say, “I don’t see why he’s with her...?” It isn’t for you to see...! Because, as the king, he sees the potential in his queen of what she shall be. Amen!

The same applies to the church people will say, “I don’t see why Jesus Christ loves the church, all the gossiping, backbiting, jealous, greedy and sinful people are in church.” But the fact of the matter is that He too sees the potential of what they shall be... Because the Bible says that, “It has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is...” (I John 3:2) I’m trying to tell you that when a man loves a woman, it is: A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... A Sustaining Love... But likewise it is...A Securing Love (Eph 5:29)

• A Securing Love

In Eph 5:29, the text says the love a man should have is one where he cares for her like he does his body.  To take care of; It means to keep her from hurt, harm and danger. It means that when the trouble gets on her track, you intercept so they can’t get to her. It means to protect her; make sure she has food, clothes, and shelter. She ought to be special to you. Why? When she steps out, she ought to look good, because in actuality, she represents you!

This Securing Love means that he treats her with warmth and tenderness. He cares for her with affection and he appreciates her. In many homes, it’s as if he’s married to a maid & a housekeeper & a concubine all rolled up into one; it shouldn’t be so husbands. Note what the bible tells us of Christ’s securing love in Matt. 20.28 "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." When a man loves a woman, it’s A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... A Sustaining Love... A Securing Love...  it is also A Solid Love. (Eph 5:31)

• A Solid Love

This verse tells husbands to be joined, to (cleave) If you take two items and put super glue on one side and on the side of the other and put them together, it won’t be long until the two become one...Solid! When a man loves a woman, it’s a Solid Love. He doesn’t worry about what his mother, father, sisters, brothers or friends say! 

Some men will never mature because they’re still mama’s little boy...It’s all right to love your mother! Amen! But he must recognize that a man must leave (let go of) mother and cleave to his wife in order to have a marriage (love) that is solid!

Marriage is a new relationship and requires that the husband no longer cling to his mom or dad. Don’t compare the cooking, the cleaning, and the child rearing of mom to my wife! It can demoralize her so much! You are now connected and committed to your wife; one flesh. Let your love be a solid love.In Songs of Songs 8.7 it says ‘Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it.’

If you love your wife as Jesus loved you and do to her what Jesus does with you. Nobody said it was easy; you cannot do it in your own strength you have to ask God for help to obey this commandment

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about Jesus Christ who became a (1) Sacrifice for the church.

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about how Jesus Christ exemplifies this kind of love in an excellent manner... Because He saved the church by (2) Sanctifying her unto Himself.

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about the Perfect One who (3) Sustained us in this love affair... Because the Bible says, “Whatever you need, God will provide...” (Matt 6:33) 

When I think about when a man loves a woman. I think about Jesus because His love is a (4) Securing Love... Because I’m a witness that He’ll hold you in the midnight hour! 

When I think about when a man loves a woman... I thank God for a (5) Solid Love... Because no matter what you say on Christ is the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand and because it’s solid, I hear Paul saying, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Rom 8:35,38-39) Husbands that is how your love for your wife should be exemplifying Christ love for the church.

The commandment is clear ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES.’ Remember- 1corithians 13:4-8 and I know most of us had it read at our weddings it says; ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Amen!

Thank you to Dr. David Jerimiah for the inspiration to write this and Bishop Kirk Devine for all the points

"if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”.....part 1

John 11:1-7 Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 And it was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. 3 The sisters therefore sent to Him, saying, "Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick." 4 But when Jesus heard it, He said, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified by it." 5 Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus. 6 When therefore He heard that he was sick, He stayed then two days longer in the place where He was. 7 Then after this He said^ to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again."

John 11:17-21 So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off; 19 and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary, to console them concerning their brother. 20 Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet him; but Mary still sat in the house. 21 Martha therefore said to Jesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."

Many a times we have cried out where is our God? He needs to be here! I need him now! Where is he I need him to fight for me! I want Him to be here now! where is He?......And when we wait and he doesn't show up at the time we scheduled for him....we become bitter and we become angry and we say......if He was here my mother will not have died, if He was here my father would not have died, if He was here my business will not have died, if He had been here my child would not have died, if he had been here I would have gotten that job! if he had been here.......

Even in the bible the people of God asked........

2 Ki 2:14 And he took the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and struck the waters and said, "Where is the LORD, the God of Elijah?" 

Job 35:10 "...Where is God my Maker, Who gives songs in the night,"

Jer 2:6 "...Where is the LORD Who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, Who led us through the wilderness..."

Jer 2:8 "... Where is the LORD? ...

Micah 7:10 "Then my enemy will see, And shame will cover her who said to me, ’Where is the LORD your God?"...

Psa 79:10 "Why should the nations say, "Where is their God?...."

Joel 2:17 "... Why should they among the peoples say, ’Where is their God?’"

Jer 17:15 Look, they keep saying to me, "Where is the word of the LORD?.."

"I will say to God my rock, "Why hast Thou forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" 10 As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" (Psalms 42:9-11)

WHERE IS GOD? This is a question that is often asked of God? I doubt if anyone would seriously entertain the idea of God being lost! This is impossibility. If God were ever lost, He would not be God. For He is omniscient: "All knowing"; and He is omnipresent: "everywhere". Inasmuch as He is everywhere --- it is impossibility for Him to ever be lost! And so it seems to me that the real issue is: "WHERE IS GOD?!" Where was Jesus when He was needed the most and where is God when we need Him the most?

Sometimes we doubt our God knows what He is doing. We doubt that He knows the end from the beginning; you see when Jesus was leaving for Judea. He knew why he tarried and what he was going to do ;John 11:11-13 This He said, and after that He said to them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I go, that I may awaken him out of sleep." 12 The disciples therefore said to Him, "Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover." 13 Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that He was speaking of literal sleep.

I want to answer that question this morning: "Where is God", we ask. The scripture gives us the answer:

Gen 28:15 "And behold, I am with you, and will keep you wherever you go,..." 

Exo 33:14 "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."

Deu 20:1 "When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you."

Josh 1:5 "No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you."

Isa 54:10 "For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you."

Mat 28:20 "...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

Heb 13:5 Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

We ask "WHERE IS GOD" and the Scripture resounds with the answer: HE IS WITH US!!

WHERE IS GOD?, we ask, and the Scripture tells us emphatically that HE IS AT THE PLACE OF OUR NEED! In:

Exodus 33:22 HE IS THERE TO PLACE US IN THE CLEFT OF THE ROCK!

Deut 33:27 HE IS THERE AS A DWELLING PLACE

Psa 18:2 HE IS THERE AS OUR ROCK AND FORTRESS

Psa 27:5 HE IS THERE TO CONCEAL ME IN HIS TABERNACLE

Prov 18:10 HE IS THERE AS MY STRONG TOWER

Isa 25:4 HE IS THERE TO BE A DEFENSE FOR THE NEEDY; A REFUGE FROM THE STORM; A SHADE FROM THE HEAT

Nah 1:7 HE IS THERE AS A STRONGHOLD IN THE DAY OF TROUBLE

Zech 9:12 HE IS THERE AS A STRONGHOLD FOR THE PRISONERS WHO HAVE NO HOPE.

Although Martha told him that if he had been there her brother would not have died she also said to him in John 11:22 "But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."

Because He knows there will be days like this

I don't care how spiritual you say you are everybody has those days. Days when you don't want to get out of bed and face the world and you can't stay in bed and face yourself. Days, when you just don't know the next step to take or you have taken too many steps in the wrong direction and it is too late to turn back. Days when you know you have cried enough but the tears won't just stop coming down. Days when you are tired of praying for a blessing that you feel is long overdue and a promise that you feel has tarried. Days when you really feel the need to speak to someone but can't trust anyone around you and you may just be afraid that they would judge you or tell your secret or make merry at your predicament.

Everyone has those days......... but because he knows there will be days like these; He said in 2 Corinthians 12:9 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness'.(kjv)

Accept that you are weak and call on a higher power. You don't need to tell anybody your problems, you need to lean on him, tap into his strength. The lord who created the earth and numbered the hair on your head knows what you are going through.

Accept Christ’s partnership he said he will not let you go it alone in Matthew 11:28-30 he invites us to "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (kjv)

Accept that he will protect you from whatever is coming and in at the appointed time perfect his plans for you as the psalmist cried out in psalm 3:3 'But thou, O LORD, [art] a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head'(kjv)

Because he knows there will be days like this; when you need him to be there for you. He said that his grace is much more that you can imagine and more than sufficient for you such that in your hour of great need and great weakness, in that hour when you know you cannot go it alone and you surrender and accept his strength you will see how perfect his strength is. Then you can boast like paul in 2 Corinthians 12:10 'Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.'

Back to the basics

Today, from Genesis 2, I want us to focus on one simple verse– verse 24. Genesis 2:24– “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” This verse is spoke by the Holy Spirit of God here in Genesis, it is repeated by Jesus in Matthew, and Paul underscored it in Ephesians. I want to suggest that this verse is the foundational verse for marriage. In fact, from this verse we will learn that marriage is designed by God to operate According to three Fundamental Priorities. 

I. Leave: If your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– THERE HAS TO BE A LEAVING! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.”

Now, that is not a reference to abandon or forsake your parents– even though that is exactly what the original Hebrew suggests. We know from other Scriptures that we must always honor them. But it’s an exaggerated statement to remind us that that when you establish your new home, you are to loosen your dependency on mom and dad. What this means is that we need to sever the emotional umbilical cord. Whether it’s an emotional dependency or even a financial dependency, a physical dependency– you are to “leave” them. 

The principle of this leaving is this.... NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON EARTH, IS TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MATE. And when it does, you are in clear violation of the first fundamental priority of marriage. That leads us to the second principle.....

II. Cleave: If your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– there also has to be a cleaving!

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.... and be united to his wife....” The old KJV put it like this.... “he shall cleave unto his wife.” Now, let’s make it absolutely clear that the word, “cleave” has nothing to do with slicing and dicing. The word “cleave” means “to cling or glue to something. To keep close to something and remain bonded to it.”

Word is used over 60 times in the Old Testament alone. This same word is used in 2 Kings 5:27 to describe leprosy which clings to the body. It’s used in Job 19:20, describing bones that cling to the skin. In Ezekiel it describes scales clinging to a fish. Now, scales cling to a fish and bones to a body and leprosy to skin– because they are joined as one. 

And that’s the point. God, at the very inception of marriage, said: THIS THING IS FOR LIFE! The marital bond is a permanent, lasting, never-to-be-severed bond! 

When you stood before the Lord, whether it was in a beautiful house of worship or a justice of the peace, and said, “I take you to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part,” you were making a covenant with the future. A vow to your God! A vow of permanence. Malachi 2:13-16 says, “Remember the wife of your youth. Keep your marriage covenant. Cleave to that union.”

III. Weave: Finally, if your marriage is going to be what it ought to be, There has to be a Weaving! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his

wife.... and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Note that it says, “they become one flesh. In other words, they weave themselves into each other’s life. And that’s a process– not an instantaneous event. “One flesh” doesn’t happen just because the preacher says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife”; it doesn’t happen when you sign the legal documents; it doesn’t happen in when you spend the first night together. It is a life long process! And it is built on the two previous principles. 

God’s plan for marriage is that two become one. And this is much more than just sharing the same residence, the same food, and the same bed. It is two people giving themselves to one another until their lives are woven together into one. Husband, wife, let me ask you. Are you developing true companionship in your marriage?  God wants much more than that for you. He designed marriage for companionship! Stop using it as a screwdriver and use it for it’s designed purpose!

Only when you make a covenant vow to cleave unto your wife will you be willing to so blend your heart with hers that you become, in every sense of the word TEAM! The time to cleave is  NOW!  Only as you make room in your life for you mate can you weave your life into hers/his. Marriage is hard work– hardest task you’ll ever attempt!