Men love your wives

Read Ephesians 5:22-33

 ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’

When I got the message to speak on this’ I thought I am nowhere near equipped to speak on this topic but because I derive authority from our Lord Christ Jesus and I believe his calling upon my life. I have to speak as the spirit moves me. Amen!

I was listening to Dr. David Jerimiah and he was saying that a lot of men come to him when their marriage is in trouble and when he asks them what the problem is? They would say.... ‘I just don’t love my wife anymore!’ Once they say that, he would immediately confront them ‘so you choose to disobey God?’  This is because what is written in Ephesians 5 is a clear commandment.... ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES!’ It is not suggesting that you try to love your wives, not saying that when she looks pretty you love her or when the mood hits, you love her. No! It is a clear command ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES!

So the Good Book commands husbands to love their wives. The command was not only to love them but it actually specifies how... ‘just as Christ loved the church - This is the strongest love that has ever been evinced in this world. It follows, that a husband is in no danger of loving his wife too much .Men are to make the love which Christ had for the church the model. So by choosing not to love your wife you choose to disobey God.

‘LOVE YOUR WIVES’ it says in Ephesians 5:25, 28 and 33. Did you notice Paul’s repetition? Husbands are commanded 3 times – Love your wife! Because God knows how hard it is for men to LOVE their wives. This love Paul talks about, it’s a special kind of love, love that can only be done by a man… ‘Love Your Wife’ Notice that he uses the word ‘your…’ a personal pronoun… It doesn’t say love women, but love your wife…! Too many men are loving women and not loving their own wife…!

So what is this love that a Christian husband should have? What should one expect when a man loves a woman?

• A Sacrificing Love

Let us look at the text, firstly it says…As Christ Loved… I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like a Sacrificing Love ! (Why…?) Because the text says that, “He gave Himself.” Gave: Comes from the greek word meaning surrender...one who is willing to sacrifice self… (Now for women) Don’t ever marry a man who is not willing to die for you because a man who’s not willing to die for you is a man who is not worthy of you. You see Jesus Christ laid down His life for the church, and a man who is not willing to die for you, who’s not willing to give his all for you, not willing to spend his last dime on you, not willing to forsake all others for you..... Is not worthy of you!

Remember that song ‘When A Man Loves A Woman’... He can’t keep his mind on nothing else... He’ll spend his last dime... He’ll sacrifice for her... Because he understands that she is his joy...”

What does the bible say about this sacrificial love Christ has for the church in John 15:13? ‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends’. Please husbands, I am not the one saying it, it is in the Good book. You have to give your life for her. Sacrifice!....especially the body, the flesh.... lust. Of course there will always be women with bigger breasst or butts, women who are more pretty, funnier etc . A friend once said to me, the day after he got married he met, not just one of the kind of women he had fantasized about his whole life, but three and they all seemed very eager to get to know him he was on cloud nine, Only to come home and meet his wife was wearing the most wretched, libido killing outfit ever invented. Sacrifice! God doesn’t just love you when you look good or when you are good his love is not conditional it is sacrificial. Romans 5.8 says ‘But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ If I say all I have to say on sacrifice I may not finish this message but let move on.

What I am trying to say is When A Man Loves A Woman... It’s A Sacrificing Love... He’ll give himself for her... But not only is it a Sacrificing Love but it’s also a Sanctifying Love (Eph 5: 26)

• A Sanctifying Love

When a man loves a woman, he takes her out of the chaotic situations of life... He takes her out of the chaotic situations of dating and meeting and sets her apart. He sanctifies her; he sets her apart from the hustle and bustle and sanctifies her because he has something invested in her. He sanctifies so that he might present her to himself! Now men you need to learn how to sanctify - set her apart! You say, “She just won’t do the right thing?” Sanctify Her! “But she’s always...” Sanctify Her! “But every time I try to...” Sanctify Her! Don’t go around telling people nasty stuff about her just because you had an argument with her and you want everybody to be on your side and you want everyone to sympathise with you. Men know what I am talking about; telling your relatives all the crazy stuff that is happening in your house, just to have the right to say ‘nobody knows the trouble I have seen.’

I recently read a divorce brief where the man was able to list 500 reasons! I am not kidding 500 reasons why he wanted a divorce including the exact date that his wife did not take a bath the whole day and claimed the whole house was smelling because of this! Come on...sanctify her! Set her apart let her be holy for you and for others. When you sanctify her you sanctify yourself because you are one flesh.

Understand also, that when you sanctify her, you’re doing it in the expectation not of what she IS, but what she WILL BE...! Amen! None of us are perfect...! But thank God that when He looks at us, He’s not looking at us based on where we now but He looks at us based on what we shall be! Amen! When a man loves a woman, he will sanctify her, he will set her apart. It doesn’t matter if she’s not perfect because he’s standing there in anticipation of what she will become. What will she become? She will become glorious; she will become all that God has invested in her.

So When A Man Loves A Woman... It is A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... But it’s also...A Sustaining Love (Eph 5:28-29)

• A Sustaining Love

A Sustaining Love means he nourishes her, takes care of her like his own body. Nourish comes from the Greek word that means: to provide for. I am not trying to offend but I need to preach the word as it came to me. God set it up so that the man would be the provider! I’m not saying that women can’t do it, but it’s out of God’s will for the woman to be the provider for man. How do I know? It is in the book of Genesis, according to God’s plan, Adam was supposed to be the provider and Eve was supposed to be the providee. But Satan convinced her to change the role, and everything went downhill from there! 

Now ladies...God is trying to honour you by making the man provide for you and some of you don’t want your man to work! When Eve brought home the bacon, it brought chaos into the world. Look, whenever you get out of the will of God, you end up with a chaotic mess! Now husbands, God wants you to be the provider for your wife! It is okay for a woman to work, but the provider has got to be the man.

Example; if the man is king of the castle, he needs a queen and the queen can’t be the queen if she’s a slave on somebody’s job! Amen! You see, because you treat her like your queen, she makes sure that you will be treated like a king and trust me the queen has no problem being submissive to the king, when he’s treating her like the queen. People will say, “I don’t see why he’s with her...?” It isn’t for you to see...! Because, as the king, he sees the potential in his queen of what she shall be. Amen!

The same applies to the church people will say, “I don’t see why Jesus Christ loves the church, all the gossiping, backbiting, jealous, greedy and sinful people are in church.” But the fact of the matter is that He too sees the potential of what they shall be... Because the Bible says that, “It has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is...” (I John 3:2) I’m trying to tell you that when a man loves a woman, it is: A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... A Sustaining Love... But likewise it is...A Securing Love (Eph 5:29)

• A Securing Love

In Eph 5:29, the text says the love a man should have is one where he cares for her like he does his body.  To take care of; It means to keep her from hurt, harm and danger. It means that when the trouble gets on her track, you intercept so they can’t get to her. It means to protect her; make sure she has food, clothes, and shelter. She ought to be special to you. Why? When she steps out, she ought to look good, because in actuality, she represents you!

This Securing Love means that he treats her with warmth and tenderness. He cares for her with affection and he appreciates her. In many homes, it’s as if he’s married to a maid & a housekeeper & a concubine all rolled up into one; it shouldn’t be so husbands. Note what the bible tells us of Christ’s securing love in Matt. 20.28 "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." When a man loves a woman, it’s A Sacrificing Love... A Sanctifying Love... A Sustaining Love... A Securing Love...  it is also A Solid Love. (Eph 5:31)

• A Solid Love

This verse tells husbands to be joined, to (cleave) If you take two items and put super glue on one side and on the side of the other and put them together, it won’t be long until the two become one...Solid! When a man loves a woman, it’s a Solid Love. He doesn’t worry about what his mother, father, sisters, brothers or friends say! 

Some men will never mature because they’re still mama’s little boy...It’s all right to love your mother! Amen! But he must recognize that a man must leave (let go of) mother and cleave to his wife in order to have a marriage (love) that is solid!

Marriage is a new relationship and requires that the husband no longer cling to his mom or dad. Don’t compare the cooking, the cleaning, and the child rearing of mom to my wife! It can demoralize her so much! You are now connected and committed to your wife; one flesh. Let your love be a solid love.In Songs of Songs 8.7 it says ‘Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it.’

If you love your wife as Jesus loved you and do to her what Jesus does with you. Nobody said it was easy; you cannot do it in your own strength you have to ask God for help to obey this commandment

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about Jesus Christ who became a (1) Sacrifice for the church.

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about how Jesus Christ exemplifies this kind of love in an excellent manner... Because He saved the church by (2) Sanctifying her unto Himself.

When I think about when a man loves a woman, I think about the Perfect One who (3) Sustained us in this love affair... Because the Bible says, “Whatever you need, God will provide...” (Matt 6:33) 

When I think about when a man loves a woman. I think about Jesus because His love is a (4) Securing Love... Because I’m a witness that He’ll hold you in the midnight hour! 

When I think about when a man loves a woman... I thank God for a (5) Solid Love... Because no matter what you say on Christ is the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand and because it’s solid, I hear Paul saying, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Rom 8:35,38-39) Husbands that is how your love for your wife should be exemplifying Christ love for the church.

The commandment is clear ‘HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES.’ Remember- 1corithians 13:4-8 and I know most of us had it read at our weddings it says; ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Amen!

Thank you to Dr. David Jerimiah for the inspiration to write this and Bishop Kirk Devine for all the points